I really hate myself sometimes for being such a big mouth. I knew it'll hurt her, it'll make her sad... but yet... i had to go say it out. There's just this weird enzyme in me that makes me blab uncontrollably. Or maybe because she really wanted to know the truth.
Its weird you know, us humans, knowing the truth will hurt us so deeply, yet all the more we want to find out.
It was a blatant fact that she really loved him... i don't understand how he could be so blind as to not see. And to my dear friend... I'm really sorry that I made you cry with the things we started talking about. I didn't know you were so affected by it. But i suppose its about time you let lose. Don't bottle things up too much... i mean... that's what friends are for. Even though we can't really help... we'll always be there to be your listening ear.
We had kind of a dramatic, emotional session and of all weird places... the library. Can you imagine a whole library of people mugging or napping and four girls sitting around whispering and baring their souls. Not quite a sight you'll chance on anyway.
Anyway... it was totally my fault... i started with the weird... scandals I saw on Saturday and about how uncomfortable i felt seeing it. I mean... i don't understand how these guys can say they love someone only to change after a few months? Wasn't the whole point of confessing in the first place... was a chance at love forever and evermore?
Apparently that doesn't seem to exist anymore does it?
But i'm glad we had that talk. The few of us haven't seemed to have such a soul baring conversation...
May broke down and I dwelled into things i usually don't mention. Yulin too bared her little secret. Cherlyn's ... haha... cold blooded as ever.
But I'm glad May did. She bottled things up too much that we all knew she was on the brink of a break down. And i was really worried that one day she will lose herself... but I'm glad she poured her feelings out today. Perhaps only with coming to terms with both her feelings and the current situation... can she truly move on and give someone who deserves her more a chance.
As more me, i didn't really know what overcame me... but we started talking about our families and I was reminded of the broken state our family currently is in. I never quite understood the term a blissful family... was it because i never really felt love in mine?
All the conflicts and quarrels one after another, only makes me all the more want to escape. The whole family... seems so... hypocritical. On the surface... we're the well to do family with loving parents and obedient children with good grades... but underneath, we are almost like strangers. I no longer know how to hold a conversation like them... perhaps one day... i will fly away and never return... just like my heart has been longing too.
A friend once asked me, " Won't you be sad then? To leave your family, break off ties, only to regret years later that you should have spent more time with them?"
I thought really deeply about it? Was it better to suffer in their presence and never ever appreciate the goodness of having family? Or was it better to leave them and perhaps one day learn to miss their presence?
Only another year to my freedom...